Does Your Marriage Ideals Align With the World or the Word?

May 21, 2013

Sometimes I am asked, "What's God saying to you?" and sometimes I don't really feel like sharing what He is speaking to me because I know it may not be received well. In this day and age where men are practically accused of "hate crimes" for being strong men of faith and taking their godly positions in the family, and women have become so convinced that being a submissive wife is a "bad word" or degrading, you can see why I would avoid such controversial talk. So what do I think God is saying? I believe He is restoring once again righteous order into families, and the enemy is on overtime attacking homes! Its hard enough to have a healthy productive marriage, but even harder to have a Christian one under the all out, vicious war that there is on family. When God gives me a word, I listen up because I know that means He is going to have me walk it first, test me in it. In 2006 He spoke to me, in that word there was one part that kept repeating itself to me as I have tried with my natural mind and strength to achieve this over the last 7 years. I have always been complimented by others of the kind of wife I am, but there was a deeper understanding that I could not grasp; the beauty of gentleness. I constantly came short because even if my actions changed my heart had not, and it would only take a fight to expose my heart. Certainly what my cup was filled with would come out once bumped.

 So what was this wisdom I was trying to achieve? "I will put righteous order in your family the way My holiness demands." It was a few years ago when I was at the end of myself, I had tried and tried to be this wife He was speaking of me to be. He allowed me to exhaust my ideas, ways and strengths and be broken, then He began to reveal to me His character, why this was so important in a marriage and how we together, as husband and wife, are to reflect the relationship of Jesus and His Church. I have by no means perfected this, but now I can say when I stumble and sin and respond wrongly it truly is a conduct problem, not an attitude/heart problem.

Women: If you understood the beauty in your position of a wife you wouldn't hinge your obedience to His Word on whether or not your husband was doing all he is supposed to. Instead you would see yourself accountable to God, not dependent on your husband's obedience, but rather your attitude of submission to Jesus. You would understand that you are called to be a reflection of the Bride (the Church), how we ought to respond, and our relationship with Christ, as we reflect that in our marriage it's a spiritual reflection of our heart toward Jesus. You wouldn’t despise being the “weaker vessel”, or the word submission. You would be thankful and lift up your husband in prayer as you begin to see the weightiness of his responsibility before God for you and his children.

Men: likewise, you would understand to reflect Christ to your wife and to your children, with honor given, love and grace shown, laying down your own life; understanding she is the weaker vessel.  You would  see yourself as her covering, protection, and understand that her vulnerability to you will also be the degree in which you can crush her with harsh words, unkind actions, lack of leadership, or selfishness. To have her trust and vulnerability cannot be understood if you don't also understand "to much is given, much is required." You would understand that you need to wholly submit yourself to God for direction.

What I see instead (in general) is a flip-flopped, twisted version of what God intended. I see women being encouraged to be “strong”, which by the worlds standards equates to , “tell it like it is, don’t back down, I can do anything as good as a man” attitude. Sadly we have been lied to and have lost sight that our strength is in the Lord; in what He has called us to be. I have found more strength in my silence and self control, more strength in my prayers that nobody sees, more strength in not saying that thing I wanted to say than what the world tells me is strength. I have found I am strong in the Lord when I am weak in Him .

The condition of what a man has been attacked with is that he needs to be weaker, quieter, and if he isn’t then he is an ignorant, chauvinistic hater. I see that men face an especially hard role as the world screams this and the christian wife can absolutely degrade and disrespect with her words and then expect him to be the "spiritual lead". In everything he is facing he's being told (by words, responses, actions) that he is not good enough, spiritual enough, too spiritual, not weak enough, not strong enough. He's stuck in an internal conflict and ends up floundering and failing. Sometimes as wives we want them to be weak when we want our way, but when the family is falling apart to be the strong "lead".

Men take up the battle by getting before the Lord on your face, asking Him for a revelation and how to be an example of Christ. Women, you too battle, but on your knees and face against the lies that have completely taken over this nation on what you are supposed to look like.  Husband and wife, understand that your marriage should reflect Jesus and His bride; that in itself  the lived out example of love and submission, the protection and trust would speak volumes to the world, to your children and to other Christians. This takes a transforming of heart, not of will power. 

Remember that it is work to have a marriage and effort. I don't care how long you have been married, God has put into woman  to feel loved, protected, listened to, desired, respected and valued, and into a man to feel respected, valued  needed, appreciated, and desired. However often times we forget that those needs are satisfied differently for man and woman. The best thing we can do is remember this and fulfill each others needs not by fulfilling ours, rather putting each other first. I have found the desire to fulfill those needs come naturally. Another thing is just stop. Stop the cycle of who started something, or "I do this because you do that", etc. Instead align yourself with the roll God gave to you and allow time for the other to do the same, with patience and prayer. Basically understand  you are accountable to God for your role in the marriage and if the other one is falling short doesn't give you the right to. Like my mom always said, "Two wrongs don't make a right." Choose to forgive even if forgiveness wasn't asked. Go on dates, and pray for one another. Pray you see your spouse the way God does, ask for spiritual eyes.

Lord, may we have revelation of this and align ourselves with Your will and be a people who glorify You and represent a beautiful picture of Christ and His Church. In Jesus name. Amen.