12/15/12
This morning as I was praying and thinking I decided to research the gun massacres since columbine. From April 20, 1999 through 2008 there have been 15 massacres that have rocked our country, that is 15 in 10 years. However, in LESS THAN 4 years from the time Obama took office, from then until now, we have had 17 massacres (on average that is 1.5 massacres per year compared to 4.2 massacres now). That is more than less the time span with more massacres! It has almost tripled since he has taken office. I am sure that if we looked at other stats (divorce, people leaving the church, violent crimes, etc.) we would probably see the same trend. People cannot deny things have rapidly been changing in America these last 4 years. As well, we have seen truly gruesome and sheer evil things taking place, such as, people eating others attacking them, pulling out their own intestines! Looking back his campaign slogan of “change” was prophetic.
The Bible urges us to have eyes and ears that understand the spiritual realm. The natural and the spiritual work in conjunction with each other, however if your eyes are not perceiving what is happening in the spiritual then you will try to fight a spiritual battle with natural means.
I am sure over the years I have offended, irritated maybe even scared some with the things I have written. I get weary sometimes saying the same things over with the sense that very few are listening. Yet, I am compelled to write. My words are not meant to offend, to start debates or scare; rather they are to warn and shed light, and I must say them.
The night in 2008 that our nation elected Obama as president I felt very strongly a spiritual shift. I looked over at Dhyan and told him, “we have just turned our backs on God as a nation and we are facing judgment.” Obama said it best himself when he said, “we are no longer a Christian nation…”.Many Christians have put the whole load of blame on Obama, and I have said time and time again, he is simply a representation of the heart of America. I had no interest in the last election as I felt our fate was already spoken.
I have warned that we are facing judgment and the word that Lord kept speaking was, “wake up, and prepare.” I am not talking about in the natural, although that’s good too, but I am speaking preparing in the spiritual. Many Christians are ignoring God’s timeline. They want to bury their head in the sand. We cannot do that. I have heard many say, “these things have been around forever.” Yes…all throughout history. However, the rate at which they are happening, specifically in America is alarming, and at least should grab our attention. As well around the world we can all see an impending explosion; so much unrest, so much war. Not to mention that 2011 marked a year of unprecedented, and record breaking natural disasters; so much so that the scientists were awestruck.
I truly believe that when we spoke in 2008, the favor and hand of protection that the Lord has graciously blessed America with is lifting. The demonic strongholds and attacks had been given restraint, but that hand of God is lifting and the dark is spreading its shadows over America.
I have written several times about labor pains. In the beginning stages of labor it can almost be unclear if you’re actually in labor. However, as the labor becomes active labor the contractions are more regular, more painfully intense and closer together. How important it is to understand the spiritual right now. We must accept God’s timeline and heed the warnings and instruction. He gives us these because He knows what has been let loose on the land. If we are only looking at the natural we tend to battle only in the natural. But that is simply a distraction. The oppression, depression, anxiety of people is skyrocketing. Hope is diminishing.
Luke 21: 25“There will be signs in sun and moon and stars, and on the earth dismay among nations, in perplexity at the roaring of the sea and the waves, 26men fainting from fear and the expectation of the things which are coming upon the world; for the powers of the heavens will be shaken”
So what do we do now? This is the question I keep asking the Lord. First of all, have the conversation with God about His timeline. If you are angry, scared etc talk to Him about it. He will give you peace. Thank Him for his warnings. Draw into Him. Lay down the things of the world and keep your eyes on Jesus. Jesus asked if He would find faith when He returns. Why? In Matthew the Bible tells us that “because of the increase of wickedness, most people’s love would grow cold.” I have been so saddened that I have heard about many that have proclaimed Christ, are walking away because they cannot see God in all the pain. We need to guard our love for God and for each other. As evil spreads its wings over our land, over our world, the days will get darker. However, the Lord has spoken that He is preparing “places of refuge” and “lighthouses”. As the dark gets darker the Light will get brighter. The world is becoming more extreme; the gray is disappearing. Get off the line, don’t straddle.
These are the times. God has not disappeared; He has not turned a blind eye. Guard up your hearts, put on your armor and prepare for battle. The attack is very real and is increasing. Pray as a family; seek God with all your heart trust in Him. Rid yourself of the distractions that this world offers, re-evaluate your priorities. Lord, open the eyes of Your people to reveal to them the times we are in, that we may see the plans of the enemy. Help us Lord in our weakness, expose our hearts to us and reveal where our first love lies. As You do, I ask for grace, that You would cause us to see You in Truth and that we would fall in love with You once again and that we would be a people who would love You with all our heart, soul and mind and then love our neighbors like ourselves. In Jesus name. Amen.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Geopolitical Dreams
11/11/11
I have not yet written on this "Dreams" page, it has stayed blank for over a year...just waiting. Everything written below on the dreams was actually written months ago and I have archived them in my computer, simply waiting for more events to unfold. I have written the dreams out when they occurred and saved them, sometimes for years. I only copy/pasted from my documents. Every New Year I pray and seek the Lord and ask of Him "Lord what are You doing among Your world this year." The year 2011 began with an earthquake in Argentina and it seemd the earth hasn't stopped shaking since. A few more earthuakes occurred in January and then the dead fish and birds started to catch my attention so I began praying even more. At the end of February of 2011 I had the 3rd dream in geopolitical/disaster related. I wrote the dream down and shared it with a few people. Shortly after that more earthquakes, more dead fish and the Japan earthquake and tsunami. Then more dead fish and bird, earthquakes and tornadoes, then floodings. Then droughts and fires. 2011 has surely been a year marked with disaster are a larger scale then in the past. Now recently we have had our nation begin to implode with the uproar of the current Occupy Wallstreet. I have written and was shown these things before the disasters around the world of 2011 before the unfolding of the current Israel and Iran growing conflict, before Obama has spoken bad about Israel or the growing union between Russia, China and Iran over the new sanctions. I read today how China is "Iran's new bestfriend" and will not agree with any new sanctions on Iran.
I have not publically shared these dreams until now. I believe the Lord is speaking and showing many of His people very similar things. He does so to reveal and warn on what He is about to do on the earth. We should pray for discernment for the truth in messages conveyed by men, pray for ears to hear and eyes to see what the Spirit is doing.
I have never been savvy on political or geopolitical understanding. In fact I never registered to vote until I felt convicted to do so for the Obama/McCain presidential run. However, over the years I have had a growing desire to understand what is happening around the world and in the USA. This desire didn’t come from anything other than dreams that I feel have been given to me by the Lord.
I have had 3 distinct dreams political/geopolitical in nature that have piqued my curiosity. Other than that I am a simple home schooling mother to 5 children, grew up in a Christian home and have given my whole life solely for the purpose to be open to be used of God in this time. I have had other dreams that have been “prophetic” in nature but were about individuals. In my prayer times the Holy Spirit has spoken to me things to “proclaim” that have come to pass. I don’t claim to be a prophet but I also will not ignore when the Lord speaks.
The dreams I have had about the USA have made me be ever aware of where we are in these times. They have changed the way I see things and have made me have a strong voice and stance. I feel if I have a “platform”, so to speak, it would be to the Christian to wake up and stand your ground; not to compromise the words of God. We are entering a time that I see as will be fulfilled in Amos 8:11 “Behold, days are coming," declares the Lord GOD, "When I will send a famine on the land, Not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, But rather for hearing the words of the LORD.” I believe for the Christian we are being given very clear signs and evidence that we are entering the last days and to not be caught off guard or unaware; to seek the Lord now and yield to His discipline to train our ears to hear Him now. Chaos will be upon us and if we are not ready we will be floundering. He is calling us to Him. I believe that He will also be setting up people and places as “Lighthouses” and “Places of refuge”. I see these will be places of refuge in the days to come. I believe they will serve as places of safety. I believe the Lord has even set out places He has saved for such times; pieces of property that have been spared and dedicated to the Lord.
I have not shared these dreams on a large public scale, only writing them down and saving them. I have only shared them with family and close friends. But as I am seeing them start to unfold and become reality I would like to share them.
The first one was very simple. This dream was in the summer of 2001 or 2002. I am embarrassed to say this but honestly at this point I had no interest, or even the slightest clue, in politics or even events in the world. I didn’t understand who our allies or enemies were and I didn’t understand power and alliances between other countries. In the dream there was a sense of chaos, fear and panic. I am in a car in the passenger seat and my husband is driving. Out of nowhere seems to be an unexpected panic or chaos around, as I look out the window to see what is happening I see a flag being hoisted up on American ground. It isn’t an American flag though. It was 2 flags in half sewn to make one flag. One side was Russia, the other side China. That was the whole dream. (just updated 1/2/2015 to inculde pic below that was taken in 2014)
The second dream March 9, 2005. It was quite intricate in nature but I will give you the short version. The land of America was being completely devastated; just torn up. It was quite horrific. Everyone was gasping (Christians) and then a monster comes onto the picture. But he walks in backwards; the monster itself was a word that walking backwards and we could see one letter at a time coming on; S-S-E-N-I-D-E-E-R-G. Everyone was gasping; fearfully distraught, as it was coming on the screen with its huge gaping mouth chewing up the land. As it was slowly revealed the Christians could see it spelled out "GREEDINESS". The moment they saw what the word was, they said, "Oh its just greed”, and turned their back on it. The monster looked almost silly and non-threatening in a way; like a sesame street character. Meanwhile it continued to devastate and destroy America. That one was several years ago before the economy plunge.
End of February 2011 This one has not yet been fulfilled and is written on a separate page. Flooding and coming judgement of America
Blessings
Janette
Monday, November 5, 2012
Last Days: Confusion in the Church/Lawlessness: "Lord, Lord did we not prophesy in Your name and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?"
October 29, 2012
“Last Days: Confusion in the Church”
“I AM not concerned with the name of a church, you have set yourself in high places and collaborate among yourselves what you are willing to hear. I AM God and I identify My people. You have given false identity to some that I did not, and to others you have stripped away the identity that I have given them.”
This word was given to me out of the blue during a prophetic worship service in 2004. I have not shared this publically and as with many of the things I feel the impression of the Holy Spirit I wait on them. The Lord has instructed for me to write them down and save them. Many of them I even forget about until the Holy Spirit reminds me of them….they have a time to be spoken.
Habukkak 2:2 Then the LORD answered me and said, “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that the one who reads it may run. 3 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.
This was the word the Lord reminded me of the other night as I was crying with a heavy heart. I feel like I am watching apostasy of the church unfold before my very eyes. There has always been a compromise in the Church but before Jesus returns the Bible says the Church will be apostate; turning away from the faith. Why does this happen? Jesus explains to His disciples (Matthew 24:3-13) 3 As He was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things happen, and what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?” 4 And Jesus answered and said to them, “See to it that no one misleads you. 5“For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many. 6 “You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. 7 “For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. 8 “But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs. 9 “Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name. 10 “At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another. 11 “Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many. 12 “Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 “But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. 14 “This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end will come.
* 1 Corinthians 15:46 shows us a spiritual principle that shows us that we can see things in the natural that occur and then also then see those things take place in the spiritual, "The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual." We can also know that in 1 Peter 4:17 it says, "For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?" We have watched our nation become more and more "lawless", in fact entire articles have been written about the "Lawlessness" of our current administration. This is a natural picture of the condition of our nation. When we see this as a sign in a nation we can look at the condition of the church as well and see there is a spirit of lawlessness (acting without restraint/approval) that has completely infiltrated and this is the spiritual picture.
All of Jeremiah 5 is timely word for the church, but all week these verses have been on my heart as I pray about the condition of the Church.
Jeremiah 5: 23‘But this people has a stubborn and rebellious heart; they have turned aside and departed. 24‘They do not say in their heart, “Let us now fear the LORD our God, Who gives rain in its season, Both the autumn rain and the spring rain, Who keeps for us The appointed weeks of the harvest.” 25‘your iniquities have turned these away, and your sins have withheld good from you. 26‘For wicked men are found among My people, They watch like fowlers lying in wait; They set a trap, They catch men. 27‘Like a cage full of birds, so their houses are full of deceit; Therefore they have become great and rich. 28‘They are fat, they are sleek, They also excel in deeds of wickedness; They do not plead the cause, The cause of the orphan, that they may prosper; And they do not defend the rights of the poor. 29‘Shall I not punish these people?’ declares the LORD, ‘On a nation such as this shall I not avenge Myself?’ 30“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: 31 The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule on their own authority; and My people love it so. But what will you do at the end of it?
Can you see this? There is now a generally accepted council of “apostles and prophets” that have set themselves up in this nation that promote "Holy Spirit experiences". They preach on wealth and prosperity and blessings, blessings, blessings. They have "signs and wonders"- gold falling from the ceiling, people laughing uncontrollably, They have taken it upon themselves to make schools and leadership training to recognize and promote people rather than seeing an anointing of the Spirit. God doesn't need leadership trained people (not saying being trained in how to lead is wrong), He wants Spirit led people, but that often tears down man-made agendas and ways! They have become rich and tickle the ears of their followers promising nothing but blessing and forget about the reverence and holiness of our Lord. They have “heaven on earth”, “international invasion”, “unlimited anointing”, "glory river" conferences that all promote how Christians will become rich or have "experiences"; they sale their ministry for profit (read here Spirit of Balaam). Where is God in this?? I have watched over the years their ever changing "prophecies" because when they were saying "peace peace, blessings and prosperity", the true prophetic word was "Repent", and then the economy plunges. They cater to their ego and instead of repenting keep going forward in their agenda. They "prophecy" all will be well, America will come back, some even falsely prophesying the last election. Only to be dismayed and have to change their prophecies again. All along God has been shaking them to cause them to repent and turn back to Him. They promote their man-made agenda by saying things like, “creating an environment where the Kingdom of God can flourish.” They are full of mixture but speak enough truth to ensnare and trap, because of their arrogance and pride, they themselves are ensnared and trapped. They prophesy in His name, people are performing miracles in His name; healings and deliverance…how can this be if they are working in a compromised or deceived manner?
Could this be why Jesus says In Matthew 7: 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’
First, can you recognize that Jesus is naming here 3 "power gifts"; prophecy, deliverance and healing, these are people from the Spirit-baptized church realm (in regards to relation of the tabernacle this is not the "outer court " (salvation) experience, but rather a "holy place" (Spirit baptism) experience.
Let’s recall what happened to the Levite priests. They had gone astray and profaned the holy things of God. When the Lord spoke to Ezekiel He was explaining how He would restore the temple. These compromised Levitcal priests were not thrown out (Romans 11:29 for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable) they were allowed to minister to the people and in the house of God BUT were not to minister unto God Himself or His holy things. What a sad trade for compromise. But notice, they will still minister, God will still use them for the people, services and work but they are not permitted to serve unto HIM.
Ezekiel 44: 10 But the Levites who went far from Me when Israel went astray, who went astray from Me after their idols, shall bear the punishment for their iniquity. 11 Yet they shall be ministers in My sanctuary, having oversight at the gates of the house and ministering in the house; they shall slaughter the burnt offering and the sacrifice for the people, and they shall stand before them to minister to them. 12 Because they ministered to them before their idols and became a stumbling block of iniquity to the house of Israel, therefore I have sworn against them,” declares the Lord God, “that they shall bear the punishment for their iniquity. 13 And they shall not come near to Me to serve as a priest to Me, nor come near to any of My holy things, to the things that are most holy; but they will bear their shame and their abominations which they have committed. 14 Yet I will appoint them to keep charge of the house, of all its service and of all that shall be done in it. 15 “But the Levitical priests, the sons of Zadok, who kept charge of My sanctuary when the sons of Israel went astray from Me, shall come near to Me to minister to Me; and they shall stand before Me to offer Me the fat and the blood,” declares the Lord God. 16 “They shall enter My sanctuary; they shall come near to My table to minister to Me and keep My charge.
In these 6 very revealing verses we can see the Lord has made a point in saying “Me or My” 16 times! There is a point to be made here. There is a distinction being made. We must also remember this is not simply a story. This is a type and shadow, a picture for us now. In Romans 15:4 it says, “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” Again we read in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” What is the lesson here? The Levites, whom God appointed had compromised and profaned the holy things of God, they led the people astray and did it all “in service” to God. Can you see this happening now? Do we see that God still allows His people to be ministered to because He is sovereign? He can use a donkey to speak, surely He can use any compromised preacher, yet there is a punishment for that preacher. They prophesy in His name, perform miracles, cast out demons but they DID NOT DO THE WILL OF THE FATHER! They are without restraint or “lawless”.
Yet there were a group of Levitical priest, the sons of Zadok (who are also a picture of the remnant church, the "man-child",overcomers, etc. who did not compromise. They minister to the Lord Himself! Praise God.
In the verse that Jesus says in Matthew 7:21“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.” We need to also understand the word /phrase “kingdom of heaven”. This word is translated: royal power, kingship, dominion, rule a) NOT to be confused with an actual kingdom BUT RATHER the right or authority to rule over a kingdom. b) of the royal power of Jesus as the triumphant Messiah c) of the royal power and dignity conferred on Christians in the Messiah's kingdom (copy/pasted from concordance)
I do not see this as a salvation issue, rather a ruling and reigning issue. Will all Christians “rule and reign” (not talking about salvation here...but the inherited promises/rewards) with Christ? The fast, but hard answer I believe is, no, (Ouch! Did I just step on some toes, maybe a lifetime of beliefs...please hear me out.) The promises made in the Bible are “if…then” statements or conditions; there are way too many scriptures to list here but I urge you to search this out. We have 2 inheritances in the Lord. First we have our salvation that cannot be earned. It’s a free gift of salvation, by the blood atonement Jesus made for us. Any who believe on this shall be saved. (Acts 16:30-31, Mark 16:16, Romans 10:9-10, John 11:25-26, etc) In understanding that it is our belief of the Jesus’s work on the cross, His bloodshed, death and resurrection that took our place, is our redemption, then it CANNOT also be a work-based requirement as well. Scripture will not negate itself.
In light of Matthew 7:21 where these people are saying “Lord, Lord” to Jesus, proclaiming all that they have done in His name, let’s see what other scriptures make this possible. 1 Corinthians 12:3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus is accursed"; and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.” So for anyone to even be able to say “Jesus is Lord”, they can only do so through the Holy Spirit. Another passage says in 1 John 4:2-3 “By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.” If I could sum up the central point of this writing in this: It is possible for saved people who God has called can become deceived and STILL prophesy, STILL preach, STILL be used in healings, STILL evangelize and STILL proclaim the name of Jesus and call Him Lord. BUT they can do so without restraint. They can be so full of mixture that they speak some truths of God mixed in with a lot of self-glorifying doctrines. Oh how incredibly sad on the day these face Jesus. They have received their reward in full on earth; they opted for notoriety, riches, fame, and prosperity in the earthly age. They did not lose their salvation…they didn’t even lose their gifts and callings. But they did not allow Jesus to be LORD in their lives. Meaning they were saved by the blood of Jesus, baptized with an anointing of Christ but did not surrender their lives to have Him be LORD. Jesus, Christ, Lord shows a beautiful progression of our Christian walk. This is a trap anyone can fall into, that’s why we must finish the race well. I think some have surrendered their lives down and one point and ministered in Truth…maybe for most of their ministry, but deception can come in and they pick back up the control and they become “lord” of their lives again.
Jesus asked (Luke 6:46) "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" It’s an interesting thing to point out that when we read in the Bible when it speaks of “works or actions” Jesus as “Lord” is named, but when it speaks about our faith in Him, Jesus as“Christ” is named. We know we must all confess Him as Lord to be saved, but walking in obedience (sanctification) as Him Lord in your heart is different than salvation.
The second inheritance is our position in the Lord, or the promises we receive in the Kingdom. These promises are however “if…then” statements. In other words there is an action on our part, which is simple. It’s the obedience to act in faith on the things the Lord puts His finger on in your life. It’s the walk of that is spoken of in 1 Peter 1: 13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, 15 but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; 16 because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.” 17 If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; 18 knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, 19 but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.
I heard a great saying once: “Everyone’s cup in heaven will be full, but not everyone will have the same size cup.” Again, this is not speaking of salvation (justification) but moreover about our sanctification. So the question I pose today is, does it matter what we buy into as Christians in this relatively short time we have on earth, will our decisions echo in eternity? Are all the popular ministers, prophets, apostles who claim “Thus sayeth the Lord”, really representing the will of the Father, or are they “without restraint” or as Jesus says who practice “Lawlessness”. Is there a price to pay by buying into and supporting these ministries?
Psalm 69:9 For zeal for Your house has consumed me, And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.
Jesus disciples remembered that verse as Jesus cleared the temple and overturned the money tables. He drove out those buying AND selling! They had made the house of God into a marketplace…can we, as His disciples, recognize the same spirit at work today?
Let us remember the sobering words written in God’s word: 2 Timothy 4: 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. 5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
In short, sound doctrine will not be listened to, instead the things people WANT TO HEAR (blessings, riches, prosperity, power, experiences, etc) in comparison to what people DON’T WANT TO HEAR (repentance, trials, tribulations, judgment (yet the Lord will be with us!). So many preach on the love of God but forget His holiness, they have devalued God into a giant, gift giving, and wish granting god. MYTHS. But the instruction we are left with is to endure the hardships, opposite of the blessings and prosperity messages, and continue to evangelize. Simple.
We are promised several things in this life by Jesus, here are a few: we will have problems in this world BUT be of good cheer because He has overcome the world. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
So I pose to you today: Is it possible to be doing "good and godly" things in His name, that God never approved, but instead have done so "without restraint" (lawlessness/iniquity)? Can there be a rebellious self will that God desires to put His finger on? Is it possible to be a born-again, Spirit-filled, baptized believer that God still uses for His glory and yet still unyielding to the instruction and discipline of the Lord?
Be careful to allow God to search you and show you your own heart, if there is a "self" way in what you "do unto the Lord". To me, as a Christian, there is no more sobering picture than to stand before Jesus with nothing but wood, hay and stubble; thinking all along you had gold, silver and precious stones. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 "Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.
And do not be fooled/blinded with self- righteousness...Deut 9:4-6 "Do not say in your heart when the LORD your God has driven them out before you, 'Because of my righteousness the LORD has brought me in to possess this land,' but it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is dispossessing them before you. 5 "It is not for your righteousness or for the uprightness of your heart that you are going to possess their land, but it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD your God is driving them out before you, in order to confirm the oath which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 6 "Know, then, it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stubborn people"....God still uses rebellious/stubborn/self-willed Christians in His Kingdom...
Let this be the prayer of our heart: Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
“Last Days: Confusion in the Church”
“I AM not concerned with the name of a church, you have set yourself in high places and collaborate among yourselves what you are willing to hear. I AM God and I identify My people. You have given false identity to some that I did not, and to others you have stripped away the identity that I have given them.”
This word was given to me out of the blue during a prophetic worship service in 2004. I have not shared this publically and as with many of the things I feel the impression of the Holy Spirit I wait on them. The Lord has instructed for me to write them down and save them. Many of them I even forget about until the Holy Spirit reminds me of them….they have a time to be spoken.
Habukkak 2:2 Then the LORD answered me and said, “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that the one who reads it may run. 3 “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.
This was the word the Lord reminded me of the other night as I was crying with a heavy heart. I feel like I am watching apostasy of the church unfold before my very eyes. There has always been a compromise in the Church but before Jesus returns the Bible says the Church will be apostate; turning away from the faith. Why does this happen? Jesus explains to His disciples (Matthew 24:3-13) 3 As He was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things happen, and what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?” 4 And Jesus answered and said to them, “See to it that no one misleads you. 5“For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will mislead many. 6 “You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. 7 “For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. 8 “But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs. 9 “Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name. 10 “At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another. 11 “Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many. 12 “Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 “But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. 14 “This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end will come.
* 1 Corinthians 15:46 shows us a spiritual principle that shows us that we can see things in the natural that occur and then also then see those things take place in the spiritual, "The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual." We can also know that in 1 Peter 4:17 it says, "For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?" We have watched our nation become more and more "lawless", in fact entire articles have been written about the "Lawlessness" of our current administration. This is a natural picture of the condition of our nation. When we see this as a sign in a nation we can look at the condition of the church as well and see there is a spirit of lawlessness (acting without restraint/approval) that has completely infiltrated and this is the spiritual picture.
All of Jeremiah 5 is timely word for the church, but all week these verses have been on my heart as I pray about the condition of the Church.
Jeremiah 5: 23‘But this people has a stubborn and rebellious heart; they have turned aside and departed. 24‘They do not say in their heart, “Let us now fear the LORD our God, Who gives rain in its season, Both the autumn rain and the spring rain, Who keeps for us The appointed weeks of the harvest.” 25‘your iniquities have turned these away, and your sins have withheld good from you. 26‘For wicked men are found among My people, They watch like fowlers lying in wait; They set a trap, They catch men. 27‘Like a cage full of birds, so their houses are full of deceit; Therefore they have become great and rich. 28‘They are fat, they are sleek, They also excel in deeds of wickedness; They do not plead the cause, The cause of the orphan, that they may prosper; And they do not defend the rights of the poor. 29‘Shall I not punish these people?’ declares the LORD, ‘On a nation such as this shall I not avenge Myself?’ 30“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: 31 The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule on their own authority; and My people love it so. But what will you do at the end of it?
Can you see this? There is now a generally accepted council of “apostles and prophets” that have set themselves up in this nation that promote "Holy Spirit experiences". They preach on wealth and prosperity and blessings, blessings, blessings. They have "signs and wonders"- gold falling from the ceiling, people laughing uncontrollably, They have taken it upon themselves to make schools and leadership training to recognize and promote people rather than seeing an anointing of the Spirit. God doesn't need leadership trained people (not saying being trained in how to lead is wrong), He wants Spirit led people, but that often tears down man-made agendas and ways! They have become rich and tickle the ears of their followers promising nothing but blessing and forget about the reverence and holiness of our Lord. They have “heaven on earth”, “international invasion”, “unlimited anointing”, "glory river" conferences that all promote how Christians will become rich or have "experiences"; they sale their ministry for profit (read here Spirit of Balaam). Where is God in this?? I have watched over the years their ever changing "prophecies" because when they were saying "peace peace, blessings and prosperity", the true prophetic word was "Repent", and then the economy plunges. They cater to their ego and instead of repenting keep going forward in their agenda. They "prophecy" all will be well, America will come back, some even falsely prophesying the last election. Only to be dismayed and have to change their prophecies again. All along God has been shaking them to cause them to repent and turn back to Him. They promote their man-made agenda by saying things like, “creating an environment where the Kingdom of God can flourish.” They are full of mixture but speak enough truth to ensnare and trap, because of their arrogance and pride, they themselves are ensnared and trapped. They prophesy in His name, people are performing miracles in His name; healings and deliverance…how can this be if they are working in a compromised or deceived manner?
Could this be why Jesus says In Matthew 7: 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’
First, can you recognize that Jesus is naming here 3 "power gifts"; prophecy, deliverance and healing, these are people from the Spirit-baptized church realm (in regards to relation of the tabernacle this is not the "outer court " (salvation) experience, but rather a "holy place" (Spirit baptism) experience.
Let’s recall what happened to the Levite priests. They had gone astray and profaned the holy things of God. When the Lord spoke to Ezekiel He was explaining how He would restore the temple. These compromised Levitcal priests were not thrown out (Romans 11:29 for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable) they were allowed to minister to the people and in the house of God BUT were not to minister unto God Himself or His holy things. What a sad trade for compromise. But notice, they will still minister, God will still use them for the people, services and work but they are not permitted to serve unto HIM.
Ezekiel 44: 10 But the Levites who went far from Me when Israel went astray, who went astray from Me after their idols, shall bear the punishment for their iniquity. 11 Yet they shall be ministers in My sanctuary, having oversight at the gates of the house and ministering in the house; they shall slaughter the burnt offering and the sacrifice for the people, and they shall stand before them to minister to them. 12 Because they ministered to them before their idols and became a stumbling block of iniquity to the house of Israel, therefore I have sworn against them,” declares the Lord God, “that they shall bear the punishment for their iniquity. 13 And they shall not come near to Me to serve as a priest to Me, nor come near to any of My holy things, to the things that are most holy; but they will bear their shame and their abominations which they have committed. 14 Yet I will appoint them to keep charge of the house, of all its service and of all that shall be done in it. 15 “But the Levitical priests, the sons of Zadok, who kept charge of My sanctuary when the sons of Israel went astray from Me, shall come near to Me to minister to Me; and they shall stand before Me to offer Me the fat and the blood,” declares the Lord God. 16 “They shall enter My sanctuary; they shall come near to My table to minister to Me and keep My charge.
In these 6 very revealing verses we can see the Lord has made a point in saying “Me or My” 16 times! There is a point to be made here. There is a distinction being made. We must also remember this is not simply a story. This is a type and shadow, a picture for us now. In Romans 15:4 it says, “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” Again we read in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” What is the lesson here? The Levites, whom God appointed had compromised and profaned the holy things of God, they led the people astray and did it all “in service” to God. Can you see this happening now? Do we see that God still allows His people to be ministered to because He is sovereign? He can use a donkey to speak, surely He can use any compromised preacher, yet there is a punishment for that preacher. They prophesy in His name, perform miracles, cast out demons but they DID NOT DO THE WILL OF THE FATHER! They are without restraint or “lawless”.
Yet there were a group of Levitical priest, the sons of Zadok (who are also a picture of the remnant church, the "man-child",overcomers, etc. who did not compromise. They minister to the Lord Himself! Praise God.
In the verse that Jesus says in Matthew 7:21“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.” We need to also understand the word /phrase “kingdom of heaven”. This word is translated: royal power, kingship, dominion, rule a) NOT to be confused with an actual kingdom BUT RATHER the right or authority to rule over a kingdom. b) of the royal power of Jesus as the triumphant Messiah c) of the royal power and dignity conferred on Christians in the Messiah's kingdom (copy/pasted from concordance)
I do not see this as a salvation issue, rather a ruling and reigning issue. Will all Christians “rule and reign” (not talking about salvation here...but the inherited promises/rewards) with Christ? The fast, but hard answer I believe is, no, (Ouch! Did I just step on some toes, maybe a lifetime of beliefs...please hear me out.) The promises made in the Bible are “if…then” statements or conditions; there are way too many scriptures to list here but I urge you to search this out. We have 2 inheritances in the Lord. First we have our salvation that cannot be earned. It’s a free gift of salvation, by the blood atonement Jesus made for us. Any who believe on this shall be saved. (Acts 16:30-31, Mark 16:16, Romans 10:9-10, John 11:25-26, etc) In understanding that it is our belief of the Jesus’s work on the cross, His bloodshed, death and resurrection that took our place, is our redemption, then it CANNOT also be a work-based requirement as well. Scripture will not negate itself.
In light of Matthew 7:21 where these people are saying “Lord, Lord” to Jesus, proclaiming all that they have done in His name, let’s see what other scriptures make this possible. 1 Corinthians 12:3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus is accursed"; and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.” So for anyone to even be able to say “Jesus is Lord”, they can only do so through the Holy Spirit. Another passage says in 1 John 4:2-3 “By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.” If I could sum up the central point of this writing in this: It is possible for saved people who God has called can become deceived and STILL prophesy, STILL preach, STILL be used in healings, STILL evangelize and STILL proclaim the name of Jesus and call Him Lord. BUT they can do so without restraint. They can be so full of mixture that they speak some truths of God mixed in with a lot of self-glorifying doctrines. Oh how incredibly sad on the day these face Jesus. They have received their reward in full on earth; they opted for notoriety, riches, fame, and prosperity in the earthly age. They did not lose their salvation…they didn’t even lose their gifts and callings. But they did not allow Jesus to be LORD in their lives. Meaning they were saved by the blood of Jesus, baptized with an anointing of Christ but did not surrender their lives to have Him be LORD. Jesus, Christ, Lord shows a beautiful progression of our Christian walk. This is a trap anyone can fall into, that’s why we must finish the race well. I think some have surrendered their lives down and one point and ministered in Truth…maybe for most of their ministry, but deception can come in and they pick back up the control and they become “lord” of their lives again.
Jesus asked (Luke 6:46) "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" It’s an interesting thing to point out that when we read in the Bible when it speaks of “works or actions” Jesus as “Lord” is named, but when it speaks about our faith in Him, Jesus as“Christ” is named. We know we must all confess Him as Lord to be saved, but walking in obedience (sanctification) as Him Lord in your heart is different than salvation.
The second inheritance is our position in the Lord, or the promises we receive in the Kingdom. These promises are however “if…then” statements. In other words there is an action on our part, which is simple. It’s the obedience to act in faith on the things the Lord puts His finger on in your life. It’s the walk of that is spoken of in 1 Peter 1: 13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, 15 but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; 16 because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.” 17 If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; 18 knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, 19 but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.
I heard a great saying once: “Everyone’s cup in heaven will be full, but not everyone will have the same size cup.” Again, this is not speaking of salvation (justification) but moreover about our sanctification. So the question I pose today is, does it matter what we buy into as Christians in this relatively short time we have on earth, will our decisions echo in eternity? Are all the popular ministers, prophets, apostles who claim “Thus sayeth the Lord”, really representing the will of the Father, or are they “without restraint” or as Jesus says who practice “Lawlessness”. Is there a price to pay by buying into and supporting these ministries?
Psalm 69:9 For zeal for Your house has consumed me, And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.
Jesus disciples remembered that verse as Jesus cleared the temple and overturned the money tables. He drove out those buying AND selling! They had made the house of God into a marketplace…can we, as His disciples, recognize the same spirit at work today?
Let us remember the sobering words written in God’s word: 2 Timothy 4: 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. 5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
In short, sound doctrine will not be listened to, instead the things people WANT TO HEAR (blessings, riches, prosperity, power, experiences, etc) in comparison to what people DON’T WANT TO HEAR (repentance, trials, tribulations, judgment (yet the Lord will be with us!). So many preach on the love of God but forget His holiness, they have devalued God into a giant, gift giving, and wish granting god. MYTHS. But the instruction we are left with is to endure the hardships, opposite of the blessings and prosperity messages, and continue to evangelize. Simple.
We are promised several things in this life by Jesus, here are a few: we will have problems in this world BUT be of good cheer because He has overcome the world. John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
So I pose to you today: Is it possible to be doing "good and godly" things in His name, that God never approved, but instead have done so "without restraint" (lawlessness/iniquity)? Can there be a rebellious self will that God desires to put His finger on? Is it possible to be a born-again, Spirit-filled, baptized believer that God still uses for His glory and yet still unyielding to the instruction and discipline of the Lord?
Be careful to allow God to search you and show you your own heart, if there is a "self" way in what you "do unto the Lord". To me, as a Christian, there is no more sobering picture than to stand before Jesus with nothing but wood, hay and stubble; thinking all along you had gold, silver and precious stones. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 "Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.
And do not be fooled/blinded with self- righteousness...Deut 9:4-6 "Do not say in your heart when the LORD your God has driven them out before you, 'Because of my righteousness the LORD has brought me in to possess this land,' but it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is dispossessing them before you. 5 "It is not for your righteousness or for the uprightness of your heart that you are going to possess their land, but it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD your God is driving them out before you, in order to confirm the oath which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 6 "Know, then, it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stubborn people"....God still uses rebellious/stubborn/self-willed Christians in His Kingdom...
Let this be the prayer of our heart: Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
"I AM WHO I AM"
October 2012
I met the I AM; the same I AM that spoke to Moses, instructing him. (Exodus 3:13 Then Moses said to God, “Behold, I am going to the sons of Israel, and I will say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you.’ Now they may say to me, ‘What is His name?’ What shall I say to them?” 14 God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”; and He said, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” 15 God, furthermore, said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is My name forever, and this is My memorial-name to all generations."
He audibly spoke to me and I have never been the same. I have heard some say that meeting the Lord in such a significant way costs them greatly; the worst experience of my life and the best. It almost cost me my literal life, instead I have a physical reminder; a painful daily reminder.
I cannot place my experience in a tidy little theological box and tie it up with a pretty bow. I have many questions and wonder if I will ever have their answers on this side of the veil. Why? What happened? What did it mean? Was it an attack to take me in an untimely death? Was it prophetic in nature? Although I have all these questions swirling around in my mind, September 2004 (now a decade), since my life was forever changed, there is one thing I do not question; that is the voice of the I AM. The same God that created the heavens and earth and all in it, the God who created the visible and invisible, the God who has all authority to simply speak and creation happens, heard my cry and rescued me from death. He spoke and all order came into place. His voice carried ALL authority, ALL power, ALL order. He is my God and I will serve Him all the days of my life.
I have grown up in the Lord, all my days. I was given to God in the womb, dedicated to Him as a baby, baptized in the Spirit at 3 years old with my older sister who was 5, during a time of worship with my parents. My walk with the Lord was “common” to me and I thought every Christian knew God and knew His presence, heard Him speak and experienced Him in real ways. It was just our life. When I was around 4 years old my dad heard me crying in the back of our old station wagon. Playing on the 8-track was the song from Prepare Ye the Way, “Behold the Lord’s Hand not So Short”. My father asked me, “Nettie, why are you crying?” Having 4 little girls he figured someone had pulled my pigtail. I just cried and said, “The Lord just wants His people to return to Him.” This was nothing I conjured up or made myself feel. God for whatever His reason, has given me a deep love and call to His people; those who have walked away from Him, grown cold, forgotten Him. It’s bigger than me and goes beyond my human drive. It is what the Lord has given me and I can’t take credit for it, can’t make it go away, as it burns within me.
My heart cry is still the same. I want Christians to know their Father; to love Him with all of their hearts, to not settle for the mediocre Christian life and to walk in the Spirit and come into their callings. Over the course of my life the enemy has attacked this, my own flesh has rebelled it and yet the Lord remained patient and faithful to me, even when I was not faithful to Him.
I feel privileged to have grown up the way I did, saturated in the Word, in prayer and worship. As a child my faith was so strong. I saw it and believed it without any doubt. When I was about 5 years old I laid hands on my dad while he was getting ready to go to the hospital because of a migraine and God allowed instant healing. When I was 8 years old I would lay in bed waiting to hear all my sisters heavy breathing, signaling they were asleep so I could weep, because I simply missed God and wanted to be with Him. I would cry out, pray in the Spirit and weep, begging the Lord to let me see Him, to open my eyes. I didn’t understand as a kid and didn’t know the two were related, but the Lord poured out His love and Truth to me in that year. I would wake up speaking other languages, beautiful truths of God that were far beyond my intellect, other times I would wake up to the most beautiful fragrance. Beautiful doesn’t even describe it, there really isn’t words to describe the perfumed air. But it was strong enough to wake me up and I would go searching for it, smelling my bedding, my sisters’ hair. I would go downstairs and try and find the fragrance. It was nowhere but everywhere. I look back on that and realize that was the incense in the throne room of God.
Many more experiences in the Lord like this but I walked away. God knew I would, and He knew I would come back. When I came back, God reminded me of all the prophetic words that been given over me in my life. God had a purpose. There was a season in my life that I would go in my closet everyday and cry out to God; worshipping and praying. He spoke to me, drenched me in His presence, began giving me dreams and visions. I just wrote them down. I wasn’t seeking these things, I was simply seeking Him. My life had been turned upside down and I saw the world differently. I didn’t comprehend or relate to the natural world and felt homesick for the Lord. My thoughts were continually on spiritual things and having a “normal” conversation was almost impossible for me.
Experiences in the Lord are wonderful, encouraging, confirming and life changing, but not what we should seek. I believe as we draw near to the Lord He reveals His ways to us in “peeks” into the spiritual realm. They serve a purpose in our walks and draw us closer to Him because we see His attributes, His character, His mind, His love, His grace and mercy, His holiness, and His judgments that are very hard to wrap our human minds around. The Holy Spirit guides us, speaks to us, teaches us, convicts us and opens our eyes to His truths. I say all of this to also say we cannot base our walks and doctrines off of experiences as there are many that have experiences that are not from God. It is ever important to know the Word of God to be able to discern. A movement among the land is running rampant in which churches and people are seeking an experience. My sister and I were in a church once years ago, during worship it just felt off, but I couldn’t place why. I continued in worship and the worship began to pick up in intensity. I am not a stranger of spirit-filled services where people are dancing, clapping, lifting hands, singing in the spirit, bowing and prophetic words coming forth. This seemed like that but something in me was disgusted. I felt bad, as if I was judging or condemning so I kept praying and asking God to forgive me for any wrong mindset, but the disgust wouldn’t leave. Apparently my sister was aware of it as well and she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “The flesh stinks.” The Lord spoke to her what was going on; a working in the flesh and opening themselves up for experiences that were spiritual but not from God. The conjuring up of human emotions and souls are a very strong force. When she spoke that to me it bore witness to what I was discerning. As well I have been in circumstances where that same disgust makes me want to literally vomit. I have encountered this with people, in places, with music etc. I am not saying I am disgusted by the person but I believe there is a demonic spirit present. God in His graciousness allows me to see this for a purpose. Whether it’s to pray, get away from the situation, or take spiritual authority. I have experienced this several times working in the ER. It gave me a way to see what was really taking place despite what was being seen on the surface. In all, any experience from God will always point back to Him and glorify Him, not us, not a service, not a preacher or pastor, or the experience itself.
September, 2004; I was finishing some of my prerequisites for nursing school, had 3 children going to private school, a husband who had just had second back surgery and trying to recover and literally had a hospital bed in our living room. This was a fusion where they took bone from his hip to use to fuse along with some very large screws inserted on both sides of the spine. He wasn’t able to drive and was very limited physically and had to wear a hard back brace that made it impossible to bend over, sit normal or do daily tasks. It was a busy time, stressful time. The only way I was able to manage everything was being in my prayer closet.
I had decided to finally get my wisdom teeth out to make room for braces since I have a severe cross bite that makes me insecure and wearing my teeth down. Since my husband was not able to drive, my mom drove me in and dropped me off. The dentist was going to take out all 4 wisdom teeth and they were considered simple extractions that were only going to require the use of nitrous oxide. This was supposed to calm me and make me relaxed.
The assistant put the mask on me. Within a few minutes they went to work, numbing my mouth with shots. I felt calm with my eyes closed but was aware they thought I must have been “out” because they were talking unprofessionally about another practice and I thought it was strange. One tooth was out. On the second tooth I could feel immense pain and told the dentist. He told his assistant to turn up the nitrous. With my mouth pried open with dental equipment, suction and two pair of hands working it was difficult to talk and tell him I felt all he was doing. I pulled his hands down, he thought I was being combative and told her to turn it up. I wasn’t “out of it” or being combative. I was fully aware that I wasn’t being listened to. I began screaming and trying to tell him to stop and he was hurting me. Grabbing my face I yelled the best I could, “It hurts, it hurts, my jaw!!” His response was a pacifying , “I know, I know.” This response only further confirmed he thought I was simply under the influence of the Nitrous Oxide. He didn’t stop and he had the assistant help hold me down as he brutally and forcefully continuing wrenching the tooth out. I was fighting and beginning to lose my breath.
Instantaneously, I was no longer fighting the dentist, instead I was fighting for my life. This was not a dream. It was real like this life. I was being dragged behind a car by my feet tied together, my hands tied behind my back. Gravel in my face, people standing around watching, being dragged slowly. As my face would bump up I could take a breath and see. I cried out, “Oh LORD!”
“I AM”, He commanded in a clearly audible voice. I have heard the voice of God in my heart, in my spirit but never audibly. I say commanded because it wasn’t a statement alone, yet it was calm with authority. It certainly wasn’t a request. It was the I AM, who in Him is ALL authority and power. He simply spoke His name and just like the instant it took for me to be behind the car, I was back in the dentist chair. I drew in a deep breath as I am aware of all my surroundings. Chaos, the dentist doing chest compressions on me, yelling my name, “Janette, Janette! BREATHE Janette!” I opened my eyes to see a sweaty, screaming, panicking dentist.
The I AM heard my cry, He spoke His name and all order came in. The attack on my life instantly had to stop and at the same instant I breathed. He didn’t have to command anything to stop, He didn’t have to command me to breathe. All He did was speak His name.
I lost all sense of time and asked the pallid, sweating dentist, “Did I go out?” I couldn't wrap my mind around what I had experienced. He ignored me, again thinking I must have been “out of it”. But I wasn't. I was completely aware that I had just stopped breathing, that he was doing chest compressions and that he was yelling for me to breathe. I asked him again, “Did I go out?” His responded with a shaky voice, “just a little. Turn it down!” He was referring to the nitrous. They both looked very shaken up. I was calm, but confused. At this point I begin replaying what had just happened. Being dragged behind the car, the gravel in my face, the voice of the I AM. He pulled the last 2 teeth out and had me wait it the waiting room. I was waiting for my mom to arrive and began feeling very sick. My jaw was in excruciating pain. Although I was numbed up, I could feel a very deep aching pain that was so intense it was making me nauseated. I ran my finger s down both sides of my jaw line. Starting behind my ears on the jaw bone I ran, when I reached a few inches my left finger disappeared in to a space that wasn't on my right side. I began feeling around and realized the bone was not connected, that there was a large space in my jaw bone.
My mouth bloody and me unable to talk, I went to the receptionist. She looked at me with great concern. I was trying to explain but she couldn't understand my incomprehensible speech. So I grabbed her hands and ran them down my jawline. Her mouth dropped and she looked sick. She rushed me back to the dental room. Every second going by I have a million thoughts rushing around. I was scared, school midterms, the kids, my husband, I have no medical insurance, just dental. But the biggest looming question and thought was about my experience. Did I die? Where was I? What happened? Why had God allowed that? Then I remembered the I AM. I had no answers but one. That was that no matter what questions I had, the I AM heard me and answered me.
The few seconds it took for the dentist to return to me, felt like an eternity passing. He came in, panicked looking. His facial expressions offered no comfort to me, since he was mirroring my confusion and fear. He frantically paced as he appeared he wanted to escape his own body and finally blurted out, “I think I broke your jaw!!” It was more a confession than a finding, and I realized he already knew. At this point my mother came in and was directed back to me. A mother knows her child and her face did that thing when she’s afraid but trying to not show it. Her lips turned white and pressed, her eyes went into “emergency mom function mode”; the look of determination mixed with fear, confusion and protection. He blurted it out again, “I broke her jaw!” I wanted comfort and nobody was able to offer me that; the receptionist, my mom or the dentist. No answers just more questions. The dentist ran out of the room, the receptionist following. I wanted to cry but knew if I did I wouldn't be able to regain composure. So I began writing on Post-It notes to my mom, telling her I was scared, asking what can they do.
The dentist rushed back in and explained he has an oral surgeon friend down the road in another medical complex and he can do a full face xray. No ambulance was called instead he escorted me into his BMW, with my mom following us. I was trying my hardest to compartmentalize all my swirling thoughts: pain management while blocking out extreme nausea and urge to vomit in one place in my mind, confusion and “what ifs” in another part, logistics and technical concerns about insurance and school midterms in another. Yet what seemed to take forefront thought even as I was trying my hardest to push it away was the I AM. That thought had its own world full of questions: What happened, what did it mean? Why did God allow that to happen? What if I wouldn't have called out to God?
Having to steady myself in the jerking car, my hands sweaty and shaking, slipping on the leather seats my thoughts were interrupted by a question. The dentist asked in a failed attempt to sound cool, calm and collected, “So…um, um…how did you like that nitrous oxide?” My stomach sank as his obvious prying was to see what and if I remembered that I had to be resuscitated and was not breathing. I shook my head. What was I going to say? Tell him I think I died, that I was being dragged behind a car, that I cried out to God and He spoke His name and all order came into being? We were going to have a nice theological conversation with him answering all my questions? All I could squeeze out, as he hung on my every movement, was a half grunt.
We arrived at the oral surgeon’s office. I was rushed in like a celebrity; shielding my identity while being given priority treatment. Why was everyone’s face the same: curiosity, shock…and again no answers. The xray confirmed a complete broken jaw; broke in half. Off again to the hospital who has now been called ahead by the surgeon.
Sitting in the waiting room I am now face to face with my mind and the questions begging to be answered. In the years I have learned the waiting room is a parallel spiritual picture to the waiting room of life; unanswered questions, a place of struggle between fear and faith, a place of not knowing what the future hold yet God requesting that we trust Him with it, no matter the outcome. I have now learned I will need emergency surgery, but will have to wait 8 hours because I drank coffee that morning. I paced around as my mother began making phone calls and arrangements. My sister Mary had to pick up the kids and bring my husband down to the hospital since he was not able to drive. They gave me an ice-pack and the Novocaine was quickly wearing off. As I was pacing I was praying; sharing my heart with the I AM. I was scared, confused and to be quite honest my feelings were hurt that He allowed this to happen to me. I was most conflicted with my sincere sadness and my sincere gratitude; He allowed it with His permission and He saved me from it. God is so gracious. As I paced I felt the presence of the Lord, His love and He asked me a question, “Do you want your reward here or in heaven?”
Although my questions were not answered I stood in the knowledge and faith that He did not abandon me, that He indeed was not simply aware of the pain, confusion and questions I had but felt all of it with me. I resolved in my mind to trust Him with my physical life. The reality of that I could have died and left my children and husband was so much to contemplate. I finally had to tell my mom. I scratched out little notes to my mom to communicate I was afraid. I told her I stopped breathing. She was trying to hold back her tears and I told her that she needs to make my children know how much I love them if I am going to die in the surgery. I was just so unsure about what God was doing that I wasn’t convinced I was going to do well under the anesthesia. She bravely told me it was going to be ok, but I was adamant on making her promise me. She did.
As the pain began getting out of control they finally took me back to give me morphine. It wasn’t touching the pain. I was writhing in pain and all the morphine did was prevent me from having enough mental control to manage the pain. My husband was there now and I remember pleading with him to do something tell, them the pain was unbearable. He hobbled out with his back brace constricting movement. He was telling the nurse that I was in unbearable pain. “Sir, honestly if I give your wife anymore I am going to kill her. I am sorry but I cannot give her anything.” Desperation. Where are You God, I agonized in my mind. Again, He heard. Surrounded now by my closest friends, pastor, and family they laid hands on me; their prayers went up to heaven in a voice of unity and I fell asleep.
I don’t know how much time went by as I finally rested, but when awakened it was time for surgery. I was wheeled on the gurney to the operating room where the surgeon met us. He began to explain the break, the procedure, the expected time it would take, the recovery and then he broke my heart. He explained to me that because of the nerves involved and the degree of the break that I could have permanent damage. “You may never pucker again”. (flashes of not being able to ever kiss my husband or children), “you may never smile again”. WAIT! I wanted to scream because I hadn’t yet got hold of the last thing he said, but the list continued; pain, numbness, loss of muscle that can cause a dragging look, a scar on my neck, etc.
What was supposed to be a 1 ½ hour surgery was 4 ½ hours. It required a permanent metal plate with 6 screws to be fastened in the bone. They went through my neck leaving a 3 inch scar. The next thing I remember is being in a hospital room waking to feeling very scared because I couldn’t swallow right and was a panicking feeling because I couldn’t open my mouth and breath through my mouth to draw in a big breath. I rang my bell for the nurse. She explained to me my jaw was wired shut and it was “normal” to feel that way.
The next few days were pretty silent, except within my mind. Visitors here and there, doctors, nurses, insurance reps coming in and wanting to see me and tell what happened. Everyone’s response: SUE HIM! I couldn’t explain yet why that wasn’t even an option for me, as I already told the Lord I wanted my reward in heaven. He reminded me of that every time my mind wanted to entertain. But the more people told me that the more I entertained the thought. They are right; he was too rough, he didn’t listen to me, he was grossly negligible, he used poor judgment and so on. With enough quiet time I was able to talk to God about this. I didn’t like these feelings because they led to anger and the more I entertained the idea the more they came. No. It was just like that. I wasn’t going to be angry, I was going to forgive. I wasn’t going to take my reward here, I was going to let God be glorified in this situation. The I AM spoke to me, saved me, and was ever present with me and THAT what going to be my story. I didn’t know what the future held with my jaw but God did and that was enough for me.
The dentist and his wife came and visited with flowers. He asked about my insurance situation. I had none and didn’t qualify for state help under normal circumstances but did for a portion because of the nature of the emergency. He ended up paying $2000 that wasn’t covered and offered free dental services…that I politely declined. Time to go home.
Being at home is where the real spiritual battle with fear began for me. The pain was hard to keep under control. I asked my friend, Marla, who was a nurse to stay with me. She was more than a friend, more than a nurse. She was my prayer partner and sister in Christ and I needed her there to comfort me. My husband was now my caregiver; we were both experiencing a role reversal. In his own drugged out state he would have to medicate me, he smashed my Vicodin into a powder to put in chocolate milk so I could drink it through a straw because my mouth was wired shut. No eating for a few weeks, living on chocolate milk, juice and vicoden. What a picture we were; he was heavily sedated and trying to function to take care of me, whereas only a few days ago I was taking care of him. My parents were taking care of the kids but they were ready to be home. They came home but it didn’t feel like “home”, everyone was stressed, exhausted and wanting “normal”. I began to function physically but was an absolute mess emotionally and spiritually. I felt like death was behind every corner for me as I doubted God wasn’t going to allow something else to happen to me.
The kids were home but brought with them a nasty rash, each of them. We called the doctors and they made us come through the back door because they were afraid they had chicken pox. It was just a bacterial skin rash that cleared up but they couldn’t go to school and the stress was just compounding. How much more Lord? Nothing felt certain.
As our new normal was beginning it was finally time to get my wires off. I went to the surgeons office. I was blindsided when the nurse came in with IV equipment and solutions. I physically tried to escape by pushing myself as far as I could into the chair. I questioned/accused, “what is that?!” All my fears of dying came back in vividness. She so calmly said she was going to give me medication to put me to sleep. NO WAY. There was no way I was going to be put under. I was fighting back tears and just kept repeating my answer as she continued to persuade, reason with, and assure me. No. She left to get the surgeon. He came in and asked me what was going on, I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the anesthesia He assured me it was going to be ok. It all just came spilling out with tears. “I am not going to be put under, I stopped breathing, the dentist was reviving me, I died, I don’t want to die. I was dragged behind the car, the I AM spoke to me, I can’t be put under!” He just sat there looking a like I hit him with a brick; confusion mixed with compassion. I don’t know if he believed me but I was convincing enough for him to relent. “I have never done this before…(he stammered), we just don’t do this.”
As he pulled and tugged he couldn’t hide his stress under his mask; his eyes squeezed. I didn’t make a peep. I would like to say its because I am so tough, I’m not. It was because I was so scared that if I cried or complained he would stop and I would have to be put under. The fear of that IV propelled me to have him unwire my jaw and pull long wires through my teeth and gums without a wince. He might have been more relieved when he was finished than I was. He half chuckled with relief in his voice, “wow, had I known you were going to be that tough I wouldn’t have argued!”
Driving home I was trying out my mouth, I couldn’t open it still as it was too stiff to move, the novacaine wore off and that’s when I realized the damage. I pulled over in a parking lot, almost slapping my chin on the left side, My teeth felt fake like wood blocks sitting in there, my chin was numb…was this the Novocain? It couldn’t be because I had feeling everywhere else. I pulled the rearview mirror down looking and slapping as if I was somehow going to see the nerve damage. I tried to smile, my mouth on the left just sagged. I bit down for the first time and there was electrical nerve pains shooting down from my teeth, my lip and chin. Every bite was the same; normal on the right, completely damaged on the left. It made me feel stuck and when I thought about a lifetime of this crazy sensation and pain I crumpled. If I had taken my reward here on earth would I have had this damage, would we be financially struggling? The thoughts raced in my mind and I took them captive as I reaffirmed my position.
Weeks went on as I finally was able to start to eat again and move and open my mouth, months later I had a sudden electrical shock, like a lightning strike in my teeth, gums, lip and chin and I had feeling. Well a type of feeling. Touching my chin it still felt like I was touching someone else’s face but I realized I could feel pain, like when you eat cold ice-cream, or at the dentist when a nerve is exposed. I did regain some nerve function but it was just my pain receptors being awakened. I was very pleased to be able to pucker and smile and eventually my muscles were strong enough to not make my sag as noticeable; although you can still see it when I am sleepy or had a glass of wine. My family has to tell me if something is on my “dead spot” because I will have whole leaf of lettuce sitting there and have no idea. Swollen gums are enough to make me go insane as the sensation on that side is like an infected splinter being pinched all the way down my chin while putting ice on your teeth. When I get a cold the gland on the side is swollen like a rock because of the scar tissue and I get back headaches. I have neck problems because of the way I am tense and hold myself on that side that then affects my back. In short I have a daily reminder of my injury, but I also have a daily reminder of the I AM.
It took me many years to look into the Nitrous Oxide effects/dangers. “Toxicity of local anesthetics can occur quickly. Overdose of local anesthetic can occur if blood pressure elevates and this, in turn, affects the central nervous system. The patient can even slip into unconsciousness or go into complete respiratory failure.” Story after story I read of children and some adults dying from this at the dentist office under routine care…though they report its extremely rare. (Edited 2/1/2015: I recently found out that I have a common genetic mutation that cannot tolerate the use of Nitrous, as it builds up in the system to toxic levels, causing severe problems or death in people with MTHFR disorder).
As I have dealt with this with God, having many conversations with Him I still have a lot of questions but I have more answers. I can look back and say this encounter truly changed me. I can say with all truth I understand Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
What satan meant for evil toward me God has used for good in my life. I was able to show kindness and forgiveness to a dentist that knew he was guilty. Months later I wrote him a letter and told him what happened, letting him know that the I AM stepped into that situation. I never heard anything back but he and I both know. Doctors I have talked to, others who are struggling with “unfairness” in this life have been ministered to. But I have reaped the most. I am changed, never to be the same again. I was already a pretty intense person but now my face is “set like flint”, as was prophesied over me when I was young.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed
Ezekiel 3:9 I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house."
The Lord has strengthened me in Him, and the more time that goes on the stronger I feel. Not in my own strength but in Him. More and more He reveals Himself to me and I long with eagerness to hear Him, be with Him, tell of Him. God the Father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit is 3 persons in one God. The I AM came to this earth to save us by shedding His blood, and taking our punishment. In His great love for us He reveals Himself in the person of Jesus.
The soldiers that came to take Jesus away met the I AM; John 18:4-6 4 So Jesus, knowing all the things that were coming upon Him, went forth and *said to them, “Whom do you seek?” 5 They answered Him, “Jesus the Nazarene.” He *said to them, “I AM He.” And Judas also, who was betraying Him, was standing with them. 6 So when He said to them, “I AM He,” they drew back and fell to the ground.
I know my broken jaw cannot be measured or compared to those who have lost loved ones, or have suffered great illnesses or horrific things that have happened to some, but I do know the I AM doesn’t turn a blind eye to His children and although He allows evil things to happen because we live in this fallen world He is with us. Even if what He asks us to walk through is horrible, He doesn’t ask you to walk it alone. He walks it with you. Stand in HIM in these days, abide in HIM. There are promises in HIM.
one of the kids rash
He audibly spoke to me and I have never been the same. I have heard some say that meeting the Lord in such a significant way costs them greatly; the worst experience of my life and the best. It almost cost me my literal life, instead I have a physical reminder; a painful daily reminder.
I cannot place my experience in a tidy little theological box and tie it up with a pretty bow. I have many questions and wonder if I will ever have their answers on this side of the veil. Why? What happened? What did it mean? Was it an attack to take me in an untimely death? Was it prophetic in nature? Although I have all these questions swirling around in my mind, September 2004 (now a decade), since my life was forever changed, there is one thing I do not question; that is the voice of the I AM. The same God that created the heavens and earth and all in it, the God who created the visible and invisible, the God who has all authority to simply speak and creation happens, heard my cry and rescued me from death. He spoke and all order came into place. His voice carried ALL authority, ALL power, ALL order. He is my God and I will serve Him all the days of my life.
I have grown up in the Lord, all my days. I was given to God in the womb, dedicated to Him as a baby, baptized in the Spirit at 3 years old with my older sister who was 5, during a time of worship with my parents. My walk with the Lord was “common” to me and I thought every Christian knew God and knew His presence, heard Him speak and experienced Him in real ways. It was just our life. When I was around 4 years old my dad heard me crying in the back of our old station wagon. Playing on the 8-track was the song from Prepare Ye the Way, “Behold the Lord’s Hand not So Short”. My father asked me, “Nettie, why are you crying?” Having 4 little girls he figured someone had pulled my pigtail. I just cried and said, “The Lord just wants His people to return to Him.” This was nothing I conjured up or made myself feel. God for whatever His reason, has given me a deep love and call to His people; those who have walked away from Him, grown cold, forgotten Him. It’s bigger than me and goes beyond my human drive. It is what the Lord has given me and I can’t take credit for it, can’t make it go away, as it burns within me.
My heart cry is still the same. I want Christians to know their Father; to love Him with all of their hearts, to not settle for the mediocre Christian life and to walk in the Spirit and come into their callings. Over the course of my life the enemy has attacked this, my own flesh has rebelled it and yet the Lord remained patient and faithful to me, even when I was not faithful to Him.
I feel privileged to have grown up the way I did, saturated in the Word, in prayer and worship. As a child my faith was so strong. I saw it and believed it without any doubt. When I was about 5 years old I laid hands on my dad while he was getting ready to go to the hospital because of a migraine and God allowed instant healing. When I was 8 years old I would lay in bed waiting to hear all my sisters heavy breathing, signaling they were asleep so I could weep, because I simply missed God and wanted to be with Him. I would cry out, pray in the Spirit and weep, begging the Lord to let me see Him, to open my eyes. I didn’t understand as a kid and didn’t know the two were related, but the Lord poured out His love and Truth to me in that year. I would wake up speaking other languages, beautiful truths of God that were far beyond my intellect, other times I would wake up to the most beautiful fragrance. Beautiful doesn’t even describe it, there really isn’t words to describe the perfumed air. But it was strong enough to wake me up and I would go searching for it, smelling my bedding, my sisters’ hair. I would go downstairs and try and find the fragrance. It was nowhere but everywhere. I look back on that and realize that was the incense in the throne room of God.
Many more experiences in the Lord like this but I walked away. God knew I would, and He knew I would come back. When I came back, God reminded me of all the prophetic words that been given over me in my life. God had a purpose. There was a season in my life that I would go in my closet everyday and cry out to God; worshipping and praying. He spoke to me, drenched me in His presence, began giving me dreams and visions. I just wrote them down. I wasn’t seeking these things, I was simply seeking Him. My life had been turned upside down and I saw the world differently. I didn’t comprehend or relate to the natural world and felt homesick for the Lord. My thoughts were continually on spiritual things and having a “normal” conversation was almost impossible for me.
Experiences in the Lord are wonderful, encouraging, confirming and life changing, but not what we should seek. I believe as we draw near to the Lord He reveals His ways to us in “peeks” into the spiritual realm. They serve a purpose in our walks and draw us closer to Him because we see His attributes, His character, His mind, His love, His grace and mercy, His holiness, and His judgments that are very hard to wrap our human minds around. The Holy Spirit guides us, speaks to us, teaches us, convicts us and opens our eyes to His truths. I say all of this to also say we cannot base our walks and doctrines off of experiences as there are many that have experiences that are not from God. It is ever important to know the Word of God to be able to discern. A movement among the land is running rampant in which churches and people are seeking an experience. My sister and I were in a church once years ago, during worship it just felt off, but I couldn’t place why. I continued in worship and the worship began to pick up in intensity. I am not a stranger of spirit-filled services where people are dancing, clapping, lifting hands, singing in the spirit, bowing and prophetic words coming forth. This seemed like that but something in me was disgusted. I felt bad, as if I was judging or condemning so I kept praying and asking God to forgive me for any wrong mindset, but the disgust wouldn’t leave. Apparently my sister was aware of it as well and she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “The flesh stinks.” The Lord spoke to her what was going on; a working in the flesh and opening themselves up for experiences that were spiritual but not from God. The conjuring up of human emotions and souls are a very strong force. When she spoke that to me it bore witness to what I was discerning. As well I have been in circumstances where that same disgust makes me want to literally vomit. I have encountered this with people, in places, with music etc. I am not saying I am disgusted by the person but I believe there is a demonic spirit present. God in His graciousness allows me to see this for a purpose. Whether it’s to pray, get away from the situation, or take spiritual authority. I have experienced this several times working in the ER. It gave me a way to see what was really taking place despite what was being seen on the surface. In all, any experience from God will always point back to Him and glorify Him, not us, not a service, not a preacher or pastor, or the experience itself.
September, 2004; I was finishing some of my prerequisites for nursing school, had 3 children going to private school, a husband who had just had second back surgery and trying to recover and literally had a hospital bed in our living room. This was a fusion where they took bone from his hip to use to fuse along with some very large screws inserted on both sides of the spine. He wasn’t able to drive and was very limited physically and had to wear a hard back brace that made it impossible to bend over, sit normal or do daily tasks. It was a busy time, stressful time. The only way I was able to manage everything was being in my prayer closet.
I had decided to finally get my wisdom teeth out to make room for braces since I have a severe cross bite that makes me insecure and wearing my teeth down. Since my husband was not able to drive, my mom drove me in and dropped me off. The dentist was going to take out all 4 wisdom teeth and they were considered simple extractions that were only going to require the use of nitrous oxide. This was supposed to calm me and make me relaxed.
The assistant put the mask on me. Within a few minutes they went to work, numbing my mouth with shots. I felt calm with my eyes closed but was aware they thought I must have been “out” because they were talking unprofessionally about another practice and I thought it was strange. One tooth was out. On the second tooth I could feel immense pain and told the dentist. He told his assistant to turn up the nitrous. With my mouth pried open with dental equipment, suction and two pair of hands working it was difficult to talk and tell him I felt all he was doing. I pulled his hands down, he thought I was being combative and told her to turn it up. I wasn’t “out of it” or being combative. I was fully aware that I wasn’t being listened to. I began screaming and trying to tell him to stop and he was hurting me. Grabbing my face I yelled the best I could, “It hurts, it hurts, my jaw!!” His response was a pacifying , “I know, I know.” This response only further confirmed he thought I was simply under the influence of the Nitrous Oxide. He didn’t stop and he had the assistant help hold me down as he brutally and forcefully continuing wrenching the tooth out. I was fighting and beginning to lose my breath.
Instantaneously, I was no longer fighting the dentist, instead I was fighting for my life. This was not a dream. It was real like this life. I was being dragged behind a car by my feet tied together, my hands tied behind my back. Gravel in my face, people standing around watching, being dragged slowly. As my face would bump up I could take a breath and see. I cried out, “Oh LORD!”
“I AM”, He commanded in a clearly audible voice. I have heard the voice of God in my heart, in my spirit but never audibly. I say commanded because it wasn’t a statement alone, yet it was calm with authority. It certainly wasn’t a request. It was the I AM, who in Him is ALL authority and power. He simply spoke His name and just like the instant it took for me to be behind the car, I was back in the dentist chair. I drew in a deep breath as I am aware of all my surroundings. Chaos, the dentist doing chest compressions on me, yelling my name, “Janette, Janette! BREATHE Janette!” I opened my eyes to see a sweaty, screaming, panicking dentist.
The I AM heard my cry, He spoke His name and all order came in. The attack on my life instantly had to stop and at the same instant I breathed. He didn’t have to command anything to stop, He didn’t have to command me to breathe. All He did was speak His name.
I lost all sense of time and asked the pallid, sweating dentist, “Did I go out?” I couldn't wrap my mind around what I had experienced. He ignored me, again thinking I must have been “out of it”. But I wasn't. I was completely aware that I had just stopped breathing, that he was doing chest compressions and that he was yelling for me to breathe. I asked him again, “Did I go out?” His responded with a shaky voice, “just a little. Turn it down!” He was referring to the nitrous. They both looked very shaken up. I was calm, but confused. At this point I begin replaying what had just happened. Being dragged behind the car, the gravel in my face, the voice of the I AM. He pulled the last 2 teeth out and had me wait it the waiting room. I was waiting for my mom to arrive and began feeling very sick. My jaw was in excruciating pain. Although I was numbed up, I could feel a very deep aching pain that was so intense it was making me nauseated. I ran my finger s down both sides of my jaw line. Starting behind my ears on the jaw bone I ran, when I reached a few inches my left finger disappeared in to a space that wasn't on my right side. I began feeling around and realized the bone was not connected, that there was a large space in my jaw bone.
My mouth bloody and me unable to talk, I went to the receptionist. She looked at me with great concern. I was trying to explain but she couldn't understand my incomprehensible speech. So I grabbed her hands and ran them down my jawline. Her mouth dropped and she looked sick. She rushed me back to the dental room. Every second going by I have a million thoughts rushing around. I was scared, school midterms, the kids, my husband, I have no medical insurance, just dental. But the biggest looming question and thought was about my experience. Did I die? Where was I? What happened? Why had God allowed that? Then I remembered the I AM. I had no answers but one. That was that no matter what questions I had, the I AM heard me and answered me.
The few seconds it took for the dentist to return to me, felt like an eternity passing. He came in, panicked looking. His facial expressions offered no comfort to me, since he was mirroring my confusion and fear. He frantically paced as he appeared he wanted to escape his own body and finally blurted out, “I think I broke your jaw!!” It was more a confession than a finding, and I realized he already knew. At this point my mother came in and was directed back to me. A mother knows her child and her face did that thing when she’s afraid but trying to not show it. Her lips turned white and pressed, her eyes went into “emergency mom function mode”; the look of determination mixed with fear, confusion and protection. He blurted it out again, “I broke her jaw!” I wanted comfort and nobody was able to offer me that; the receptionist, my mom or the dentist. No answers just more questions. The dentist ran out of the room, the receptionist following. I wanted to cry but knew if I did I wouldn't be able to regain composure. So I began writing on Post-It notes to my mom, telling her I was scared, asking what can they do.
The dentist rushed back in and explained he has an oral surgeon friend down the road in another medical complex and he can do a full face xray. No ambulance was called instead he escorted me into his BMW, with my mom following us. I was trying my hardest to compartmentalize all my swirling thoughts: pain management while blocking out extreme nausea and urge to vomit in one place in my mind, confusion and “what ifs” in another part, logistics and technical concerns about insurance and school midterms in another. Yet what seemed to take forefront thought even as I was trying my hardest to push it away was the I AM. That thought had its own world full of questions: What happened, what did it mean? Why did God allow that to happen? What if I wouldn't have called out to God?
Having to steady myself in the jerking car, my hands sweaty and shaking, slipping on the leather seats my thoughts were interrupted by a question. The dentist asked in a failed attempt to sound cool, calm and collected, “So…um, um…how did you like that nitrous oxide?” My stomach sank as his obvious prying was to see what and if I remembered that I had to be resuscitated and was not breathing. I shook my head. What was I going to say? Tell him I think I died, that I was being dragged behind a car, that I cried out to God and He spoke His name and all order came into being? We were going to have a nice theological conversation with him answering all my questions? All I could squeeze out, as he hung on my every movement, was a half grunt.
We arrived at the oral surgeon’s office. I was rushed in like a celebrity; shielding my identity while being given priority treatment. Why was everyone’s face the same: curiosity, shock…and again no answers. The xray confirmed a complete broken jaw; broke in half. Off again to the hospital who has now been called ahead by the surgeon.
Sitting in the waiting room I am now face to face with my mind and the questions begging to be answered. In the years I have learned the waiting room is a parallel spiritual picture to the waiting room of life; unanswered questions, a place of struggle between fear and faith, a place of not knowing what the future hold yet God requesting that we trust Him with it, no matter the outcome. I have now learned I will need emergency surgery, but will have to wait 8 hours because I drank coffee that morning. I paced around as my mother began making phone calls and arrangements. My sister Mary had to pick up the kids and bring my husband down to the hospital since he was not able to drive. They gave me an ice-pack and the Novocaine was quickly wearing off. As I was pacing I was praying; sharing my heart with the I AM. I was scared, confused and to be quite honest my feelings were hurt that He allowed this to happen to me. I was most conflicted with my sincere sadness and my sincere gratitude; He allowed it with His permission and He saved me from it. God is so gracious. As I paced I felt the presence of the Lord, His love and He asked me a question, “Do you want your reward here or in heaven?”
Inside the question I could feel there was no right/wrong answer. That it would be His great pleasure to give me either. I could feel His hurt for me and His compassion. He asked me before I knew what would lie ahead of me, it was my choice. I answered, “I will take my reward in heaven.” Whatever that meant I knew the Lord was good, that He loved me and that this was not going to be in vain, and knowing that even if there wasn't a "right or wrong" answer, that there was a "more excellent" way (1 Corinthians 12:31 "But earnestly desire the greater gifts. And I show you a still more excellent way."
Although my questions were not answered I stood in the knowledge and faith that He did not abandon me, that He indeed was not simply aware of the pain, confusion and questions I had but felt all of it with me. I resolved in my mind to trust Him with my physical life. The reality of that I could have died and left my children and husband was so much to contemplate. I finally had to tell my mom. I scratched out little notes to my mom to communicate I was afraid. I told her I stopped breathing. She was trying to hold back her tears and I told her that she needs to make my children know how much I love them if I am going to die in the surgery. I was just so unsure about what God was doing that I wasn’t convinced I was going to do well under the anesthesia. She bravely told me it was going to be ok, but I was adamant on making her promise me. She did.
As the pain began getting out of control they finally took me back to give me morphine. It wasn’t touching the pain. I was writhing in pain and all the morphine did was prevent me from having enough mental control to manage the pain. My husband was there now and I remember pleading with him to do something tell, them the pain was unbearable. He hobbled out with his back brace constricting movement. He was telling the nurse that I was in unbearable pain. “Sir, honestly if I give your wife anymore I am going to kill her. I am sorry but I cannot give her anything.” Desperation. Where are You God, I agonized in my mind. Again, He heard. Surrounded now by my closest friends, pastor, and family they laid hands on me; their prayers went up to heaven in a voice of unity and I fell asleep.
I don’t know how much time went by as I finally rested, but when awakened it was time for surgery. I was wheeled on the gurney to the operating room where the surgeon met us. He began to explain the break, the procedure, the expected time it would take, the recovery and then he broke my heart. He explained to me that because of the nerves involved and the degree of the break that I could have permanent damage. “You may never pucker again”. (flashes of not being able to ever kiss my husband or children), “you may never smile again”. WAIT! I wanted to scream because I hadn’t yet got hold of the last thing he said, but the list continued; pain, numbness, loss of muscle that can cause a dragging look, a scar on my neck, etc.
What was supposed to be a 1 ½ hour surgery was 4 ½ hours. It required a permanent metal plate with 6 screws to be fastened in the bone. They went through my neck leaving a 3 inch scar. The next thing I remember is being in a hospital room waking to feeling very scared because I couldn’t swallow right and was a panicking feeling because I couldn’t open my mouth and breath through my mouth to draw in a big breath. I rang my bell for the nurse. She explained to me my jaw was wired shut and it was “normal” to feel that way.
The next few days were pretty silent, except within my mind. Visitors here and there, doctors, nurses, insurance reps coming in and wanting to see me and tell what happened. Everyone’s response: SUE HIM! I couldn’t explain yet why that wasn’t even an option for me, as I already told the Lord I wanted my reward in heaven. He reminded me of that every time my mind wanted to entertain. But the more people told me that the more I entertained the thought. They are right; he was too rough, he didn’t listen to me, he was grossly negligible, he used poor judgment and so on. With enough quiet time I was able to talk to God about this. I didn’t like these feelings because they led to anger and the more I entertained the idea the more they came. No. It was just like that. I wasn’t going to be angry, I was going to forgive. I wasn’t going to take my reward here, I was going to let God be glorified in this situation. The I AM spoke to me, saved me, and was ever present with me and THAT what going to be my story. I didn’t know what the future held with my jaw but God did and that was enough for me.
The dentist and his wife came and visited with flowers. He asked about my insurance situation. I had none and didn’t qualify for state help under normal circumstances but did for a portion because of the nature of the emergency. He ended up paying $2000 that wasn’t covered and offered free dental services…that I politely declined. Time to go home.
Being at home is where the real spiritual battle with fear began for me. The pain was hard to keep under control. I asked my friend, Marla, who was a nurse to stay with me. She was more than a friend, more than a nurse. She was my prayer partner and sister in Christ and I needed her there to comfort me. My husband was now my caregiver; we were both experiencing a role reversal. In his own drugged out state he would have to medicate me, he smashed my Vicodin into a powder to put in chocolate milk so I could drink it through a straw because my mouth was wired shut. No eating for a few weeks, living on chocolate milk, juice and vicoden. What a picture we were; he was heavily sedated and trying to function to take care of me, whereas only a few days ago I was taking care of him. My parents were taking care of the kids but they were ready to be home. They came home but it didn’t feel like “home”, everyone was stressed, exhausted and wanting “normal”. I began to function physically but was an absolute mess emotionally and spiritually. I felt like death was behind every corner for me as I doubted God wasn’t going to allow something else to happen to me.
The kids were home but brought with them a nasty rash, each of them. We called the doctors and they made us come through the back door because they were afraid they had chicken pox. It was just a bacterial skin rash that cleared up but they couldn’t go to school and the stress was just compounding. How much more Lord? Nothing felt certain.
As our new normal was beginning it was finally time to get my wires off. I went to the surgeons office. I was blindsided when the nurse came in with IV equipment and solutions. I physically tried to escape by pushing myself as far as I could into the chair. I questioned/accused, “what is that?!” All my fears of dying came back in vividness. She so calmly said she was going to give me medication to put me to sleep. NO WAY. There was no way I was going to be put under. I was fighting back tears and just kept repeating my answer as she continued to persuade, reason with, and assure me. No. She left to get the surgeon. He came in and asked me what was going on, I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the anesthesia He assured me it was going to be ok. It all just came spilling out with tears. “I am not going to be put under, I stopped breathing, the dentist was reviving me, I died, I don’t want to die. I was dragged behind the car, the I AM spoke to me, I can’t be put under!” He just sat there looking a like I hit him with a brick; confusion mixed with compassion. I don’t know if he believed me but I was convincing enough for him to relent. “I have never done this before…(he stammered), we just don’t do this.”
As he pulled and tugged he couldn’t hide his stress under his mask; his eyes squeezed. I didn’t make a peep. I would like to say its because I am so tough, I’m not. It was because I was so scared that if I cried or complained he would stop and I would have to be put under. The fear of that IV propelled me to have him unwire my jaw and pull long wires through my teeth and gums without a wince. He might have been more relieved when he was finished than I was. He half chuckled with relief in his voice, “wow, had I known you were going to be that tough I wouldn’t have argued!”
Driving home I was trying out my mouth, I couldn’t open it still as it was too stiff to move, the novacaine wore off and that’s when I realized the damage. I pulled over in a parking lot, almost slapping my chin on the left side, My teeth felt fake like wood blocks sitting in there, my chin was numb…was this the Novocain? It couldn’t be because I had feeling everywhere else. I pulled the rearview mirror down looking and slapping as if I was somehow going to see the nerve damage. I tried to smile, my mouth on the left just sagged. I bit down for the first time and there was electrical nerve pains shooting down from my teeth, my lip and chin. Every bite was the same; normal on the right, completely damaged on the left. It made me feel stuck and when I thought about a lifetime of this crazy sensation and pain I crumpled. If I had taken my reward here on earth would I have had this damage, would we be financially struggling? The thoughts raced in my mind and I took them captive as I reaffirmed my position.
Weeks went on as I finally was able to start to eat again and move and open my mouth, months later I had a sudden electrical shock, like a lightning strike in my teeth, gums, lip and chin and I had feeling. Well a type of feeling. Touching my chin it still felt like I was touching someone else’s face but I realized I could feel pain, like when you eat cold ice-cream, or at the dentist when a nerve is exposed. I did regain some nerve function but it was just my pain receptors being awakened. I was very pleased to be able to pucker and smile and eventually my muscles were strong enough to not make my sag as noticeable; although you can still see it when I am sleepy or had a glass of wine. My family has to tell me if something is on my “dead spot” because I will have whole leaf of lettuce sitting there and have no idea. Swollen gums are enough to make me go insane as the sensation on that side is like an infected splinter being pinched all the way down my chin while putting ice on your teeth. When I get a cold the gland on the side is swollen like a rock because of the scar tissue and I get back headaches. I have neck problems because of the way I am tense and hold myself on that side that then affects my back. In short I have a daily reminder of my injury, but I also have a daily reminder of the I AM.
It took me many years to look into the Nitrous Oxide effects/dangers. “Toxicity of local anesthetics can occur quickly. Overdose of local anesthetic can occur if blood pressure elevates and this, in turn, affects the central nervous system. The patient can even slip into unconsciousness or go into complete respiratory failure.” Story after story I read of children and some adults dying from this at the dentist office under routine care…though they report its extremely rare. (Edited 2/1/2015: I recently found out that I have a common genetic mutation that cannot tolerate the use of Nitrous, as it builds up in the system to toxic levels, causing severe problems or death in people with MTHFR disorder).
As I have dealt with this with God, having many conversations with Him I still have a lot of questions but I have more answers. I can look back and say this encounter truly changed me. I can say with all truth I understand Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
What satan meant for evil toward me God has used for good in my life. I was able to show kindness and forgiveness to a dentist that knew he was guilty. Months later I wrote him a letter and told him what happened, letting him know that the I AM stepped into that situation. I never heard anything back but he and I both know. Doctors I have talked to, others who are struggling with “unfairness” in this life have been ministered to. But I have reaped the most. I am changed, never to be the same again. I was already a pretty intense person but now my face is “set like flint”, as was prophesied over me when I was young.
Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord GOD helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; Therefore, I have set My face like flint, And I know that I will not be ashamed
Ezekiel 3:9 I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house."
The Lord has strengthened me in Him, and the more time that goes on the stronger I feel. Not in my own strength but in Him. More and more He reveals Himself to me and I long with eagerness to hear Him, be with Him, tell of Him. God the Father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit is 3 persons in one God. The I AM came to this earth to save us by shedding His blood, and taking our punishment. In His great love for us He reveals Himself in the person of Jesus.
The soldiers that came to take Jesus away met the I AM; John 18:4-6 4 So Jesus, knowing all the things that were coming upon Him, went forth and *said to them, “Whom do you seek?” 5 They answered Him, “Jesus the Nazarene.” He *said to them, “I AM He.” And Judas also, who was betraying Him, was standing with them. 6 So when He said to them, “I AM He,” they drew back and fell to the ground.
In the notes in the Bible it suggests a battalion had come to get him that consisted of 600 armed men. Imagine that for a moment. They come, Jesus asks who they seek they say Jesus and He pronounces that He is the I AM. As soon as He said that, 600 armed men drew back and fell! He didn’t command them to. He simply spoke who He was. That I AM is who saved us. He held all power, He could’ve spoke and the word and all of them could’ve dropped dead there, but He was the lamb led to slaughter, quietly, without a defense. He gave up His life and nobody took it from Him. He did that for us. He was there in the beginning and all things were created by Him, things seen and unseen. He is the one that is going to return for His Church. He is the one I long for every day, the one I worship and serve. He is the one that holds all power in His word. He sets limits on which He allows His children to experience.
I know my broken jaw cannot be measured or compared to those who have lost loved ones, or have suffered great illnesses or horrific things that have happened to some, but I do know the I AM doesn’t turn a blind eye to His children and although He allows evil things to happen because we live in this fallen world He is with us. Even if what He asks us to walk through is horrible, He doesn’t ask you to walk it alone. He walks it with you. Stand in HIM in these days, abide in HIM. There are promises in HIM.
Psalm 91:1-2 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord He is my refuge and my fortress, My God in Him will I trust.
Our peace, our security is in Him. He is our refuge in times of trouble.
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